Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
