Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
