i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize