Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize