Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
