Your face is a jimmy john
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
