wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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