Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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