I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
