You can't motorboat a personality
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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