fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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