i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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