How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
