ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
