I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
