the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
