Why are handjobs necessary in class?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
