All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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