if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
