I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
