Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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