super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
