I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
