would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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