i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
