I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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