OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
