she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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