I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
