Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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