So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize