so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
