The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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