so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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