found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
