Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dicks are not precious.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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