i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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