Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
