Swine flu. Run for my life!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
