shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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