Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
