Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
