i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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