I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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