You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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