fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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