Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
