i would punch a child for taco bell
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
