do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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