and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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