he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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