To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that wasnt chicken after all
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
