Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
