You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
