I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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