We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dear god my vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
