Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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