You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
