Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
