My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
