Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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