Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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