So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
