So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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